Dating During Divorce

Why Dating During Divorce Is A Bad Idea

Rejected, hurt, disappointed, betrayed; these are some of the worst feelings one can ever imagine; all felt when you are going through divorce.  It is common for anyone going through divorce to feel the need to belong to someone again and feel loved and valued.


This is one of the reasons why dating becomes very tempting during the divorce period.


As some of us might say, “I need to feel alive again”, because you honestly believe a part of you has just died.  The relationship you have invested time, effort and emotion in, has gone to waste.

But you see, the ‘battle’ isn’t over yet. You are close to being free again, but you are not entirely free until your divorce papers are signed and the case is closed. 

Here are some points you might want to ponder before jumping into another relationship while you are in the process of ending your current marriage:

If you start dating during divorce, you can lose the chance to settle peacefully with your ex-husband.

You might be tempted to think “My ex-husband did it first so why can’t I?”.  Unfortunately, there are some men whose egos will not accept any happiness their soon-to-be-ex might find, even if the divorce was his idea.


That ego-driven response will make dealing with your spouse way harder than it should be.


Dating during divorce can distract you emotionally.

It is a fact that couples going through divorce experience vulnerability.  You will experience so many stages of emotional struggle and it is not a good idea to add more complexity to the situation you’re currently in.

At first, you may think getting into a new relationship is just what you need to forget the pain you’re dealing with.  Nothing is more exciting than romance! And it’s great for your ego, to feel wanted and valued.


But in the long run, getting into a new relationship while you are ending one will give you more headache and heartache.   In order to move on from your marriage you have to deal with your emotions.


Whether you like it or not you have to let yourself heal, give yourself a break and sort out all unresolved issues within.  Otherwise, you might repeat the same mistakes you did before.


Most importantly, investing time, thought, and emotion in a new relationship can keep you from spending the time and energy you need to devote to your divorce to ensure you come out of it in the best way possible.  

Dating during divorce can impact spousal support

We all know that relationships start with dating, followed by living together.  It’s like eating a bag of M&Ms; once you start, you can’t stop.


By law, until the court declares you are divorced, you are technically still married. So when you “accidentally” sleep with someone other than your husband, it will be considered adultery!

California is a no-fault state, so this shouldn’t matter in the eyes of the court, but in the eyes of your soon-to-be ex-spouse, it does.


Spousal support, also known as alimony, is normally paid monthly.  Once your ex-husband finds out you are living with someone else, you can bet he will bring it up in court, even if you are only there on weekends.   And because it is a domino effect, even your property settlement could be on the line.

For example, if you are already dating someone, your spouse may be much less likely to agree to give you more marital property in exchange for you waiving your right for support.  The money you will be receiving for support is generally considered as taxable income. However, any money you receive from a property settlement is not taxable.

Having said that, you may consider waiving your rights to receive support and opt to receive a higher property settlement, which your ex-husband-to-be might agree to because it will free him from his future obligations to you.


This is one reason why, you don’t want to involve yourself with another relationship, or even dating; it may affect every single decision your husband makes, and make compromising harder, if not impossible.

Dating within the going-through-divorce period will deeply affect your children.

Who are we kidding?  In a divorce, who suffers more than the couple? The children, your children, who are stuck in between.


Do you think it is easy for your kids to choose between you and your soon to be ex-husband? I know you are most likely not asking them to choose, but they feel like they have to choose anyway.


Your children are not just losing the chance to grow up with a complete family, but divorce can also tear them apart emotionally.


Coping up with the “new family” structure is already stressful to them, adjusting to living with only one parent, or moving back and forth, during the settlement period.  Your kids will need you more than ever. Emotionally, physically and psychologically they need you to have a clear and sound mind despite all that’s going on.

Many kids will blame themselves for their parents separating, even if it is blatantly obvious that this is not the case.  Unfortunately, most of them will no longer believe in the power of love and marriage. How easy is it for your children to think that if you “fell out of love” with your spouse, you could also “fall out of love” with them, regardless of how many times you tell them this is just not possible.


Your children are particularly needy and vulnerable at this time, so spending time on a new relationship, or even just casual dating takes time away from them, making them feel even worse.   


During divorce, spend your time and strength wisely; this will not only benefit you but also your entire family.


Talk to someone who cares. Kimberly Surber is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.  She specializes in divorce financial planning expert and most of all she only has your best interests at heart. She educates women who undergo divorce on the potential financial ramifications and alternative considerations and helps them understand the importance of the decisions they are about to make.


Reach out to Kimberly today and make a difference. Do not let your divorce control you; talk to Kimberly and learn what you need to do to help secure a bright future for you and your children. Call her today at 907-347-3860 for a free consultation.


Tags: Dating During Divorce, Divorce Tips, Divorce Help, Divorce and Finances, divorce financial tips, CDFA, divorce advisor

This information is not intended to be a substitute for seeking legal advice from an attorney. For legal or tax advice please seek the services of a qualified attorney and/or qualified tax professional.

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Kimberly Surber

Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®


Kimberly Surber is a Certified Financial Planner®  and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®; however such registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training and no inference to the contrary should be made. Information presented is for informational purposes only, does not intend to make an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any securities, and should not be considered investment advice.  Kimberly Surber has not taken into account the investment objectives, financial situation or particular needs of any individual investor. There is a risk of loss from an investment in securities, including the risk of loss of principal. Different types of investments involve varying degrees of risk, and there can be no assurance that any specific investment will be profitable or suitable for a particular investor's financial situation or risk tolerance. Asset allocation and portfolio diversification cannot assure or guarantee better performance and cannot eliminate the risk of investment losses. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial advisor and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed here. Past performance is not indicative of future results. Investments involve risk, including loss of principal and unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Information provided reflects Kimberly Surber's views as of certain time periods, such views are subject to change at any point without notice. For a copy of our Privacy Policy, see below.

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